How to Pass a Drug Test

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

How to pass the standard drug tests required by many employers. The easiest way to pass such a test is not to take the drugs being tested for. But if you have so indulged and are willing to risk the consequences of tampering with a drug test (which at best, means keeping the job or at worst, breaking the law in some states) then this article will be of assistance..

= Steps

Video

Urine Testing

1. Avoid spiking or masking the urine sample. This is a method used to throw off testing equipment from seeing certain results. Commercial and OTC chemicals containing nitrats were once used to mask THC but are now commonly tested for. i.e. Mary Jane Super Clean 13 (liquid soap), Urinaid (glutaraldehyde), THC Free (acid), Klear (nitrite), Urine Luck (pyridinium chlorochromate), TestKlear, Golden Seal, Terminator Gold, Stealth, Clean-X, and Instant Clean. These products are all detectable, and will result in a failed drug screen.
   
2. Dilute the sample itself. Dilution is the process of reducing the concentration of drug or drug metabolites in the sample.This is accomplished by adding fluid to the sample. Be sure to use warm water, as the temperature of the sample is recorded. Most facilities will put you in a room with no sink, and where the toilet water is tinted.Diluting a sample will lower the specific gravity and creatinine level.(creatine is used by muscles and creats a waste product called creatinine) Drug testing laboratories all routinely test samples to detect dilution.[1]
   
3. Internal dilution or "flushing". Many people assume that drinking excessive amounts of water will accomplish a negative result,However is it dangerous (people have died from water intoxication) it is also risky because colorless urine arouses suspicion, possibly flagging the sample and causing Them to run the sample at a lower CONFIRMATION level of 15 ng/mL (15 nanograms per milliliter) instead of a STANDARD test screen level of 50 ng/mL (this example is of THC). When the UA is run before the screen it will read that the Specific Gravity is low and it will be flagged, this also will cause a lower level test to be run [2]
   
4. Substitute the sample. Substitution is a method that involves substituting your urine with that of another persons or a synthetic sample. Synthetic urine comes in two basic forms, the liquide type found in smoke shops that is simular to what is used to calibrate lab equipment or vials of a powdered concentrate that can be added to a few ounces of warm water.Both are kept in a delivery devise with a temperature meter. This method works on every employment urine test,(provided some conditions are met such as controlling the temperature (92 -100)and delivering the sample in 4 minutes or less). A liquide crystal thermometer with 2 degree offset like the ones used on the collection cups is ideal and a properly sized organic warmer as a insulating source as it is the body that is the regulator. [3]
   
   • The liquide premixed urine has a couple of drawbacks as it doesn't have a head or small layer of bubbles on the surface and it has no smell.Powdered synthetic urine does.
     
   • You can substitute someone else's urine. You will want to test it with a reagent panel strip available at wall-greens. Collect urine fresh and keep it in a sealed, refrigerated container and use within the 48Hrs. as urine will darken and bacteria will grow, when deterioration becomes noticeable the lab may suspect something. A UTI or Urinary Tract Infection will be suspected if a micro UA is run as stale urine becomes like ammonia and the ph will change.[4]
     
   • standard employment Drug tests do not determine male or female, pregnancy, or age.
     
   
   

Hair Testing

1. Understand how the hair testing process works. So how does hair drug testing work?, Let's delve into this a bit for better understanding. We'll use marijuana for our example since marijuana drug testing is by far and away the most popular test. When marijuana (THC) metabolites are in the blood, they'll end up in the blood vessels, including those in the head, and get filtered through the hair. In basic terms, at least, this is how hair drug testing comes about. The marijuana THC metabolites will remain in the hair as a permanent record of drug use for months. A hair drug test involves cutting 50-80 strands of hair from the base typically at the crown of the head.Minimum length of 1 inch is necessary or body hair such as face chest or underarm hair can be used. Hair drug testing can go back months, showing the toxins a person may have used in a time-line fashion.Masking hair is not realistic as the sample is washed to remove left in products or external contamination such as second hand smoke.
   
2. Know what to expect in the test. Hair Collection Procedure:
   
   • Testing requires a swatch of hair about one eighth of an inch in diameter and an inch to an inch and a half long, cut close to the scalp and at the crown of the head if present. If the donor has no head hair or 1/2 inch or shorter the collector may use chest, underarm, leg, or face hair in that order of preference.
     
   • Find an appropriate spot for hair collection, then twist a bundle of hair making sure the tightly twisted hair is more than 1/4 inch in diameter. This is almost always done in middle back of head
     
   • While holding the tightly twisted hair in one hand, spread open the hair collection tube with the other hand, then enclose the twisted hair in the collection tube as close to the donor's scalp as possible
     
   • Place the twist tie around the hair below the plastic collection tube. This keeps the hair intact during shipping and also indicates the root end.
     
   • Cut the hair bundle as close to the scalp as possible. Do not remove the collection tube from the cut hair.
     
   • Return the collection tube holding the hair to its original position in the hair collection tube holder. Do not remove the twist tie.
     
   
   
3. Lower toxin levels in your hair. This can be much harder if cocaine or synthetic drugs are used by dark haired people as it is the melanin (hair color)that is the carrier as apposed to keratin (hair) in a THC screen. Treatment with Toxin Removaland a professional Consultation from a laboratory technician providing the know how in Hair Structure are crucial to increasing your success.
   
   • Cocaine which binds to black hair far more than blond or red hair as it is the melanin in hair that is the carrier of cocaine.So repeated use in dark hair people is almost impossible to reduce below detectable levels.[5]
     
   • Regular smokers should use a clarifying shampoo regularly to remove toxins that are excreted daily from scalp.
     
   
   

Saliva / Oral fluid-based screen

Saliva / oral fluid-based drug tests can generally detect use during the previous few days. Saliva or oral fluid based drug tests are becoming more prevalent because of their convenience,low cost and the recent adaptation of the FDA approved Intercept test can be given in-house on the job for pre-employment and random screenings, random, post-accident, reasonable suspicion, or return-to-duty testing.

Detection Times
Detection in saliva tests begins immediately upon use:
Marijuana and hashish (THC): An hour after ingestion, and up to 24 hours depending on use.
Cocaine (including crack): From time of ingestion up to 2 to 3 days.
Opiates: From time of ingestion up to 2 to 3 days
Methamphetamine and ecstasy (MDMA, "crank," "ice"): From time of ingestion up to 2 to 3 days.
Benzodiazepines: From time of ingestion up to 2 to 3 days

Testing Avoidance
If one is being tested and has used in the past 3 days you will need to overcome the saliva collection. To do this you will have to avoid submitting saliva and perform the steps requested of you by the instructor.

1. Instruct the donor to remove the handle and remove the collection device from the packaging sleeve.
   
2. Instruct the donor to place the collection pad between the lower cheek and gums and gently rub the pad back and forth along the gum line until the pad is moist. (you will fake this movement and rub pad on teeth)
   

Once moist, leave collection pad between cheek and gums for a full two (2) minutes(again hold between teeth)

1. After 2 minutes, have the donor open the specimen vial in an upright position, with the tip pointed downward, by gently rocking the cap back and forth to avoid spilling the contents. Instruct the donor to push the collection pad into the specimen vial as far as it will go.
   

The instructor who a employee can not touch the paddle in any way until you place it in the vial screw it closed and seal it in a tamper proof bag.

1. Stay clean from marijuana at least 72 hrs before the test.
   

Urban myths

• Secondhand smoke.. cut off levels are set so as to keep one failing from casual second hand smoke .
  
• Poppy Seeds.. the current SAMHSA recommended cutoff level used in the NIDA 5 test, which was raised from 300 ng/mL to 2,000 ng/mL in 1998 in order to avoid false positives from poppy seeds You would need to eat a whole Loaf of poppy seed to register for even one day.[6]
  
• Adding bleach to nullify sample. BLEACH will change the ph and flag the sample as being tampered and you will fail. Drinking bleach will blind you and maybe kill you. [7]
  
• Aspirin.... taken before test covers THC by creating a false negative.. THIS IS ONLY UNDER IDEAL CIRCUMSTANCES and only for the EMIT test and not a gc/ms.[8]
  

Legal

• Only a court ordered test or one who is on probation or parole can be observed, basically those who have no rights.
  
• Know your rights. They are very important. The employer is paying for the test so it belongs to them. If you pass it will say no detectable amount found. If you fail it will usually say what your levels were, however you need to ask for the cut off levels.
  
• If caught by surprise and you need to stall it is better to go to the lab and fail to show your I.D., refusal will get you fired but if you misplaced your ID you will have to come back or the sample is invalid [9]
  
• At least ten states (Arkansas, Illinois, Maryland, Nebraska, New Jersey, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Virginia and Texas) have outlawed the sale of synthetic urine or adulterants for the purpose of passing drug test however obtaining one on the Internet is easy.
  
• Workplace Testing: employers are currently allowed by law to require that workers submit to urinalysis or saliva screening to be considered for employment and/or to retain their employment. states have laws which often limit how and when testing can be done, such as requiring that the company have a written policy, that 'random' testing not be used this is more common in certain unions. [10]
  
• Hospital Testing: In the US, some states have required pregnant women to be tested for illegal drug use as part of their prenatal care. The US Supreme Court ruled the secret testing of women unconstitutional in the case of Ferguson v City of Charleston, in March 2001.But women who arrive to deliver in a hospital have there blood tested and if dirty you can bet you will be talking to some people.A delivering mother could face endangerment charges or even murder if ANY traces are found in her blood.[11]
  

Drug Testing Law

• Federal Law - Drug testing falls under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), which includes several key features:
  
  • The ADA makes it illegal for any employer to test a prospective employee without first making a conditional offer of employment.
    
  • The ADA also says you can´t discriminate against prospective employees on the basis of past drug-related problems. Then again, you may refuse to hire people if you have reason to believe they will return to substance abuse or endanger the safety and health of your workers. If you aren´t sure how to proceed with an applicant who has a history of drug abuse, consult an attorney. The ADA doesn´t prohibit asking a person with a history of substance abuse to enroll in a rehabilitation program before joining your firm.
    
  
  
• State Law - Laws vary from state to state and change frequently. You can find out the details of your state´s drug testing laws by contacting a trade organization, your state government or an employment lawyer. Your right to test workers for drug use depends on several factors:
  
  • The job itself. If a job has the potential to place the employee, coworkers or the public in danger, there may be stronger legal justification to test for drugs.
    
  • Evidence of a drug problem. Some states require you to show probable cause to suspect employees are impaired before testing them for drugs.
    
  • Whether the worker is already on staff. Once applicants are hired, your rights to test them for drug use may diminish. Some states require visible evidence of substance abuse such as an accident, a visible decline in work quality or the discovery of illicit drugs in the workplace before you have the legal right to test a current employee. Testing current employees at random or without prior notice is also illegal in many states.
    
  
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Quit Drinking Alcohol Using Anti Craving Medication
  
• How to Discontinue Rivotril
  
• How to Endure Acute Withdrawal from Opiates (Narcotics)
  
• How to Withdraw from Methadone
  

Sources and Citations

1. ↑ The Challenge of Dilute Specimens


2. ↑ [1]


3. ↑ Urine container


4. ↑ Urine PH changes


5. ↑ ethnic bias in hair drug testing


6. ↑ [2]


7. ↑ [3]


8. ↑ Drug abuse Handbook pg. 770


9. ↑ DOT Collection Procedures


10. ↑ [4]


11. ↑ [5]

• How to Detox for a test.
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Pass a Drug Test. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

• 2 comments »

The first time I saw an animal slaughtered, I was 14 years old. My Great Uncle Henry lived next door and kept about 200 rabbits. He sold them, and used them, for pets and food. That is until a tragic case of mistaken identity caused him and his wife to make a stew out of Bobo, the one they set aside as a pet, and even taught a couple tricks. They were so upset that I thought they might quit butchering bunnies all together. They ended up quitting making pets out of them instead.

Uncle Henry used to clean the fish I caught. I hated doing that, even though I enjoyed fishing and my Gramps liked eating the fish I caught. After I watched him a few times it stopped grossing me out too much, and I was able to do it myself…Still didn’t like it though. He asked me if I wanted to learn how to dress a rabbit. From context, after reading his sign: “Rabbits For Sale Live or Dressed” I knew “dressed” meant the opposite if “live.” I’ve always been up for learning new things, especially farming stuff, and this was a farming skill…So I showed up at his picnic table early one Saturday morning to see what this was all about. I was wondering how he was going to kill it, and if I would be able to watch, and if I would feel bad for the animal. I was nervous.

After he selected a big albino with smallish ears, we walked up the hill back to the picnic table. Even though my uncle picked up his rabbits by the scruff of the neck, he didn’t carry it that way. He held it in his right arm, and scratched the bunny’s head and petted him during his last few moments of bunny consciousness. Uncle Henry switched the rabbit to his other arm, and reached for a 1” by 2” flat club about the length of a night stick. After setting the rabbit on the table to take a different hold on it, he quickly picked up the rabbit by the scruff of its back and in less than a second, thwap, right on the top of it’s furry little head: Lights out. As I stood mildly horrified, bracing my self for the gore yet to come, the limp rabbit bled from his nose and ears. My uncle made a cut from between its back legs up to the bottom of the rib cage, and then with a quick bare hand, scooped out the guts.

What would have happened if I didn’t prepare my self so well for this blood and guts lesson in “Where Do Bunny McNuggets Come From?” I’m proud to say; I didn’t pass out when, still a bit quezzy with that thwack sound echoing in my ears, I watched steam rise up from the warm innards into the cold, New England autumn air. I barffed -after I had gotten several steps away from the food preparation area. Then I barffed a little bit more, composed myself, washed my hands again, sucked it up and went back to the table to see this lesson through to the end. Thoughtfully, I guess, my Uncle held off the skinning until I returned. Surprisingly, that wasn’t so bad. I expected that skinning an animal required knife work like skinning a fish filet. Instead, after he cut off the feet –what ever happened to those brightly colored dyed lucky rabbits feet on the dog tag chains?-He cut down the inside of each back leg from the bottom of the cut in the stomach, making a “Y.” Then he pulled the skin back toward the head and it came off the rabbit like a sweater. At that point he cut off the head; it made for a much less repulsive sight with the skin covering its face and eyes.

Then he “quartered” it; that is he cut the carcass in half, leaving an upper and lower section. After he cut each of those halves in half again, and washed them really well we were done. He stewed it with wine and carrots and potatoes in thick gravy and we ate it for supper. The meat itself tasted like turkey dark meat. I didn’t have a lot of trouble eating it, but felt about the same way as I do now when on rare occasions I eat meat after 16 years of being a vegetarian. I have a rule that if someone serves me meat, without knowing that I’m a vegetarian, I’ll eat it so I don’t insult or offend them. That has only happened 2 or 3 times though. And then, not to sound like Jessica Simpson, but I once ate a chicken salad sandwich, thinking it was tuna.

When I was in my thirties, I did some commercial fishing. It only takes about two days out in the wilderness of the high seas, working 44 hours in two days with about 4 hours of sleep- before the survival instincts kick in. By the time we started pulling in 100 pound sword fish and tuna I was having no problem sawing off the heads and scooping out the guts, on my hands and knees, sloshing around in three inches of blood and guts and seawater-for the next seven days. This really strengthened my stomach, and made it so a year later I was able to field dress and butcher my first deer. I can’t say I killed it, someone else did- in fact, it was the car in front of me that hit it. I took its last breath right as I walked up to it: Oh well, it was road kill, but it was fresh! I have just enough Swamp Yankee in me to not be too proud to pack it in my freezer. I grilled the heart and liver, and cubed it up for all my dog friends, and my human friends ate the rest of the more choice cuts. I’m still a vegetarian, and phew, a very rare and kind of weird one!

But think about it, how many people do you know, yourself included, who could never kill and butcher an animal, yet they eat at least one serving of meat every day? What, they have henchmen for that? I once had a woman chew me out for dressing a deer in a closed up garage, telling me how just the thought of what was going on in there horrified her –while I could smell the bacon she was frying for her breakfast. That’s probably weirder even though it’s more common.

• 0 comments »

Here are some tips on making your wedding speech. For a more customized, personal approach: Get in touch with us for a "no-obligation" consultation on how we can help. We'll help you prepare the text, as we personally coach you through to delivery - for a very reasonable, starving writer price, usually around $50.00. Just contact me at klleland@gmail.com -We'll get started right away.

1) Prepare! Reading this article is an excellent first step. Hiring a coach is an excellent second step.

2) Don't thank the bride or groom for choosing you as their Best Man or Maid of Honor, they didn't nominate you for Class President - it was an expression of affection. When someone says "I love you" the customary response is "I love you too" not "thank you very much." Honoring you on their most special day, singling you out as their most special person, shows that they love you. Now use your well prepared words to love 'em back.

3) Don't start waltzing down Memory Lane and forget to turn back. It's good to include a memorable anecdote, but one or two is enough. Remember, this day is about the bride and groom's future, not their history. Don't make it sound like a eulogy by describing all of the individual's great attributes and single-life shining moments.

4) Make sure the special memories that are recounted this day are appropriate for the general audience. "Remember that night when we stole your parents' Cadillac and went skinny dipping at the quarry with those two strippers" is only going to anger the parents, make the new bride's stomach turn, and if they were invited to the ceremony, probably embarrass the strippers.

5) Be careful that you don't make the common mistake of directing the entire speech to the person who bestowed this honor on you. You don't have to include both the bride and the groom in your funny anecdote from yesteryear, but when you shift gears into the present speak about both of them; their love for each other, their made-ness for each other, and their strength as a couple. If you want to slip in a quip now is a good time. "You may be in for a lot of sleepless nights Charlie. I went camping with Donna a couple times when we were in the Girl Scouts. I don't know about now, but back then she snored like a lumber jack." Or, "I know you will want to be by Charlie's side every minute Donna...Until he takes off his shoes. I got you a lifetime supply of Dr. Sholes Odor Eaters for your wedding gift Buddy!" Don't get carried away with this, saying something like: "I don't know how you are going to stand waking up every morning to a face that looks like it got beat with an ugly stick."

6) Make sure you wax serious when it comes to blessing their future. Express confidence in their character and true love for each other that assures you and everyone else present that their love will stand the test of time.

7) You prepared well so you were able to maintain your composure. Your trembling was barely detectable. Your careful and well thought out words didn't sound too rehearsed, even though they were. You honored the new Mr. and Mrs. and encouraged them as well. You didn't embarrass yourself or them, to your credit. You set the stage for all the festivities. Now go get drunk and make a complete fool of yourself!

To see some more good advice read this article written by Heather, one of our other coaches: How to Overcome the Jitters: Heather's Wedding Party Speech Advice

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Here are some original songs that I would like some help with. Any Christian bands out there interested? Leave a comment with contact info. Respond with a video on You-Tube....

Son of God Son of Man ~ Lyrics:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1124725/son_of_god_son_of_man.html?cat=34

Video:





Open the Door ~ Lyrics:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1124747/open_the_door.html?cat=42

Video:

(under construction)

Find a Way to Get Through ~ Lyrics:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1243985/find_a_way_to_get_through.html?cat=10
Video:

(under construction)

Come back soon. I will be working on this until I have all the scores and tutorials. Let's work together with this to make something fresh and original for worship teams and music ministries everywhere!

• 0 comments »

Have you ever come up with that brilliant invention, one that you just know will help thousands of people better their lives? Maybe this invention will even help someone that you know personally. If you are a good inventor, a professional, then helping your fellow man is the main objective…The money you harvest from the idea is only secondary.

This is a story of an inventor that I know personally. She is a professional; with these kinds of honorable intentions along with a really good idea. This idea was going to help her beloved Grandmother get around more easily. After watching her Grandma struggle to climb up and down the stairs, time after time, the wheels in this little lady’s mind began to turn. She imagined the escalator at the Mall. She thought of how Grandma would hold her hand as they just stood, and let this fascinating machine do all the work required to make the ascension to the upper levels. How cool it would be to have one of these installed at Grandma’s house. And how much better would it be if she could even sit down for the ride?

Allow me to brag about my wife. She developed the concept for the seated Stairlift long before I even knew her, when she was merely eight years old! Unfortunately, she hit the same brick wall that smashes up the aspirations of many professional inventors. That is; the idea at that time was not original art. Someone, probably a grown-up, had beaten this young inventor to the patent office. She realized this sad fact and even the significance of it when she first saw an ad on the telly showing some other happy Granny seated in a chair, being mechanically chauffeured to the top of the stairs in her own house. Undaunted, although disappointed, her job now was going to be getting Grandpa to have one installed!

“Grandma just had to have one of these”, she thought. This already available invention could be installed at her grandparent’s house…Their very own escalator, just like at the Mall.
Her secondary efforts were met with some resistance. “Could we afford it?” her Grandfather asked.
“Sure, that lady on the telly didn’t live in a palace, and she had one” she answered.
“Will they be able to install one on our type of stairs?” was the second question Grandpa posed.
“Just have the company come here and look at your stairs, they’ll tell you if they can do it and even how much it will cost” she intelligently and convincingly advised.

The man took his Granddaughter’s advice, and soon found out how possible and affordable it really was. In no time the Stairlift was installed, and has been used ever since to safely transport Grandma, up and down the stairs. Even Grandpa on occasion uses it, like the times when he had the flu and for those few weeks after he took a nasty fall, slipping on some ice in the driveway. This caring little girl may not have bettered the lives of thousands of people by inventing the Stairlift, but convincing her Grandparents to have one installed directly improved the quality of life for two people she loves very much.

• 0 comments »

Because my article about circumcision was so well received I was encouraged to stay on the subject of male genital mutilation, and write about another common procedure: Vasectomy. My goal is not to try to scare men away from this drastic form of birth control. After all, I think just the thought of someone coming at this precious part of a man’s anatomy while brandishing needles, scissors, and knives is enough to send most guys into a duck and cover posture. According to studies, about 5%-10% of men regret following through with this operation. Half of the guys who have been sterilized keep it a secret. That being stated, my readers only had a one in fifty chance of getting this article out of me; a man who regrets having this done, and isn’t afraid to admit it. So, read on.

The idea of this procedure was born in the mind of a man named Sir Ashley Cooper who experimented on dogs and rabbits, most likely because when it comes to sexuality, these particular mammals are most similar to human males. The feminine first name of this pioneer of the vasectomy makes me suspicious that it was actually a woman-in-disguise who pioneered this operation, in light of the fact that having this procedure performed is more times than not the brain-child of “Wifey.” The rest of this article will include some strategies and defensive dialog tips that will help you protect yourself when she confronts you with this brain-storm more accurately defined as a brain-fart. Around the world, tubal ligation is five times more likely to be the chosen method of surgical sterilization. Although, in England where a woman rules, vasectomies also rule. My wifey, an American woman, is of English decent: Coincidence? I don’t think so…The deck was stacked against me from the start. Here is a plan, my fellow man…To turn the tables:

Preemptive Strike- You have only one shot at this once-and-for-all solution to getting yourself and your balls off the hook. Because it is very simple, especially when a woman has a Cesarean section, to have her tubes tied immediately after child birth, if there is any chance that this will be your final round of procreation, then prepare your wife to give her doctor the green light to seal up the rest of those eggs in the basket…Keeping them out of the incubator. Be the first to say “C’mon Hun, there’s really nothing to it.” If that train has already left the station; too bad. There is no way you will be able to convince her that it is easier for her to be sterilized than it is for you, once she has left the hospital. Men can get a vasectomy in about twenty minutes, with a local anesthetic. It is a much bigger deal for a woman who would need general anesthesia, and a lot more time for this more invasive surgery. You missed this golden opportunity? Well, this crucial battle to save the lives of billions of innocent sperm isn’t over until the fat lady sings; “You Rolled Out Your Tanks, But They Only Shoot Blanks” Study this script and you may come out in tact:

Wifey- C’mon you baby, there’s really nothing to it. The Doctor will prescribe some Vicadin. You won’t feel a thing from the operation, or from the abrasions on your neck from the cone you’ll have to wear, only for a few days…If you think you can keep from licking the sutures.

Fertileman- Yeah, unless I fall into the 10%-35% margin of men who end up with Post-Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. That can go on for a lifetime after the pain pill script runs out. It varies in intensity and duration, but can be brought on by intercourse, or physical exertion. Would you rather make love or shovel snow?

Wifey- I’m willing to take my chances with that. But, if I knew there was no chance of getting knocked up again, and I didn’t have to bother with any of those other inconvenient forms of birth control, I would definitely be into doing it a lot more often.

Danger Will Robinson! – The promise of more action in the bedroom can convince a man to shave the hair off his ass with a dull razor, breaking the skin in some spots, and then soaking it in rubbing alcohol. Stand your ground on this; it’s her most effective attack…Your answer should be:

Fertileman- Sounds good in theory, but what happens if like the majority of men that have vasectomies, I end up losing my sex drive? (This is a blatant lie, there are no reports of any loss of libido after this operation, but if you think she has any intention of paying off on that bribe with more nookie, then you are as dumb as she thinks you are. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.)

Wifey- That’s BS! No one looses their sex drive after a vasectomy. (Damn it! She’s not as dumb as you think she is.)

Fertileman- What if we change our minds and decide we want another baby?

Wifey- Well, for about seven grand you could have it reversed. They’ve even invented a “valve” that can be placed in the vas deferens and turned on and off.

Fertileman- I think the only thing that could be more asinine than letting someone slice and dice my genitals, is paying someone $7,000.00 to do it again. Besides, if I go too long before a reversal, I can develop a sperm killing antibody so I wouldn’t even be a candidate for this procedure that is only 60%-70% successful anyway. Not to mention, a vasectomy causes problems with the sperm that could lead to birth defects should we conceive after the reversal operation. I would rather freeze some sperm first. Or better yet, adopt a child. What’s so great about my DNA anyway?

Wifey- Nothing; so you’re a lunatic if you think I’m birthing any more of your rug-rats. If you can’t do this one little thing for me, after all I’ve been through with pregnancy, and labor and delivery, bringing our children into the world, then your selfish ass can spend the night on the couch.

Fertileman- Fine then.

So go ahead, you and your sperm spend a lonely night or two on the couch. Before you know it she’ll be at the drugstore refilling that birth control prescription and the next argument will be over whose turn it is to change the baby’s diaper. Just hold out until she goes through menopause. If by then your selfish stubbornness in combination with her anger and depression for nature’s act of making HER sterile, which is not only known to happen to women at this time in their lives, but can actually be a similar psychological side effect occurring in men soon after a vasectomy, causes her to no longer want you or your DNA. When she gives you the boot then at least you will still be able to join the ranks with men like Tony Randall, Rod Stewart, and my Great Grandfather who have sired children in their past-fifty years.

• 1 comments »

To: Bleu at The Farm Guide

I just know that your site is going to be a huge success! Until it starts making some revenue, don't worry about keeping everyone, me included, on a "pro-bono" status. Sometimes, for people like us, the few hundred dollars for the time and work invested amounts to nothing compared to the value of...Bylines and backlinks!

The byline on a newspaper or magazine article gives the name, and often the position, of the writer of the article. Bylines are traditionally placed between the headline and the text of the article, although some magazines (notably Reader's Digest) place bylines at the bottom of the page, to leave more room for graphical elements around the headline.

Backlinks (or back-links (UK)) are incoming links to a website or web page. In the search engine optimization (SEO) world, the number of backlinks is one indication of the popularity or importance of that website or page (though other measures, such as PageRank, are likely to be more important). Outside of SEO, the backlinks of a web page may be of significant personal, cultural or semantic interest: they indicate who is paying attention to that page.
In basic link terminology, a backlink is any link received by a web node (web page, directory, website, or top level domain) from another web node (Björneborn and Ingwersen, 2004). Backlinks are also known as incoming links, inbound links, inlinks, and inward links.

Because I'm trying to make a new career as a writer, my name on my articles can get people who read them interested in hiring me to write for them. The knack to writing for blogs, and the Internet in general, is that you have to:

a) Use common language, and make content short and sweet; 500-700 words. This is good for my style of writing, because I'm not an English major or a novelist. Including pictures is crucial, and also including some video - again, less is more, of a 2-10 minute duration is important. A strange paradox is that literacy is at an all time high...yet hardly anyone reads that much anymore!

b) Utilize Key words. These are words that search engines pick out of the articles, to determine the relevancy of your content to the searcher, and by Google algorithmic magic, returns your content on it's list -preferably on the first page as close to the top as possible. It's important to have the right keywords, especially in the title. It's also important to have them in the right concentration throughout-not too many or too few. How do you know what those best keywords are? There is a look up you can do online that will tell you how many times "cranberries" for instance, is searched on Google.

c) Tell a story. When people search for information, they can find it on Wikipedia, Wiki how, etc. This info is complete, and ultra informative, and usually comes up first in the search results. So, why would a person go to your website instead? That's where content writers and producers, affiliates, Ad Sense, and the interactive process of discussion groups and comment posting play an important part.

Content writers and producers- (that's me) offer information with a style that is more of a first person account, or story. Wouldn't most people read a story before an encyclopedia? These "stories" can link to places where the searcher can find the "thing" they are looking for, instead of just the information about it or definition of it. For example, my article about the Heyden's mushroom farm not only includes information about cultivating Shiitake mushrooms, but also links up to the Oyster Creek Mushroom Company web site where the searcher can do what they can't do on Wiki -buy 'em and try 'em. Another link I included is to a site where someone can purchase the spores to grow their own. Here is where everyone cooperates for a mutual benefit. We link to OCMC, and they link back to The Farm Guide. I link to both of you, and both of you back to me. Hence, backlinks...We keep traffic flowing through our sites, and some convert into sales of all kinds: I sell some writing services, OCMC sells some mushrooms, TFG sells some advertising, for example, by becoming an affiliate, or by publishing AdSense ads.

Affiliates- On my blog, you will notice advertisements for Amazon.com. I am an affiliate, which means I am signed up with them, so that if someone comes to their site, by clicking the link on my blog, and subsequently makes a purchase, I receive a small commish, about 75 cents on a book for example. Every company out there, big and small, offer some kind of affilliate program, with a cut of the potential sale.

Adsense- This is a type of affiliate deal, but differs in this way: If a person clicks on this link, and goes to the site that link draws them to, you get a "per click" payment, around 30 cents, even if they don't purchase anything at the site. There is also a type of adsense ad that just displays while the person is on your page, and again, you get a little money for that. Just DON'T click on your own ads! Google catches on to this, as well as other scams in nano seconds, and will drop you post haste.

Like television and radio, a web site is supported and driven by advertising during your show (of content), on your network (web site or blog). What is revolutionary, and so much better about this type of advertising, is that unlike TV, where everyone has to sit through ads about everything from hemorrhoid cream to tampons, on the Internet the ads are targeted right at the individual whom by the content he is looking at, it can be determined with great specificity that the ad applies to him. For example, I have suffered from hemorrhoids only a few times, but in 41 years have not once gotten a period. It is almost scary how the Google robot can read what is on the page, and quickly post an adsense ad that applies. One time I was in the dog house, and from there was e-mailing my wife. The robot read our e-mails and returned results that showed it knew what we were saying. One advertised a book titled "Ring or Fling Decide Which Finger to Give Him!"

The confidence I have in "The Farm Guide" being a success is founded in the fact that this type of site is what is referred to as a "niche" site. Let me explain by example. If you were going to develop a web site that was going to take orders and deliver books and dvd's, I would laugh at you, and say good luck with that! I would be thinking that you wouldn't stand a snowballs chance in Hell of competing with Amazon.com. But a site that sells mushroom spores, hydroponic equipment, fish emulsion fertilizer, and so on...I'm on board for that. Why? Because there is no such thing as "The Fish Shit Depot". Niche means less competition with huge conglomerates and therefore more payoff.

I hope this was informative. Thanks again for including me in this venture of yours. I'm sure that none of us will be disappointed.

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A poll about circumcision on pregnancy planet.net so far proves that 80% of parents prefer that their boys be circumcised. I voted with the majority. I have to say, I don't even wear turtle neck sweaters.

This poll inspired me to research a little further. Could I come up with any information outside of the typical "how does circumcision affect hygiene?" I thought that if I couldn't come up with anything more interesting and unique than that, I wouldn't bother to bore myself or anyone else with a trite article. The internet search paid off big-time upon finding a pediatrician, who is renowned among his peers for taking this common, simple procedure to a new level. I contacted him immediately, and he graciously agreed to an e-mail interview:

K~ Dr. Abraham, do you consider it a strange coincidence that as an expert at this procedure you have the same name as the old testament patriarch who by God's instruction, instituted this procedure thousands of years ago as a ritual, and a mark of faith?

Dr. A~ Not really. I drew the parallel myself before I specialized in pediatrics. It enticed me to delve a little deeper into this procedure, also considered a ceremonial ritual, called a brisk that has been carried on by this Patriarch's decedents, my family included, since the time of Genesis.

K~ O.K., let me get this asked-a-million-times question out of the way: How does circumcision bear on personal hygiene?

Dr. A~ No doubt that genital hygiene is easier for the circumcised male, especially in early years, and much later in life. Although, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to pull back the foreskin and apply a little soap and water. I'm just glad I was the boy who heard from his mother, "don't forget to wash behind your ears" and not the one who uncomfortably had to listen to -"don't forget to pull back your foreskin and polish that little helmet."

K~ Are there any other medical benefits that can be attributed to circumcision?

Dr. A.~ Certainly. There is a markedly lower incidence of urinary tract infections in circumcised males. Also, two medical conditions that only affect the uncircumcised can be all together avoided. The first being foreskin infections that can occur throughout childhood. The other is a condition where the foreskin can not be retracted from the head of the penis, called phimosis. The normality or abnormality of phimosis and its treatment is actually a topic of debate surrounding circumcision.

K~ What sets you apart from other pediatricians in matters of the foreskin?

Dr. A ~ I've done quite a bit of experimentation with the amputated skins. I've developed a method to "quilt" these small specimens of skin together, creating one sheet of viable skin tissue. A small section of this "foreskin cloth" was used to treat a toddler who suffered a burn injury that caused the loss of his eyelids. Because the thickness and texture of foreskin is so similar to the skin that makes up the eyelid, the plastic surgeon was able to perform a successful reconstruction of the boy's eyelids by grafting in this skin that I developed in the lab.

K~ Quite a story! Is your plan to bank this skin for future uses in plastic surgery?

Dr. A~ No. Unfortunately it is too difficult to keep this delicate tissue alive for an extended period of time. The remainder of the specimen that I grew died off, turning into a thin leather, that instead of discarding as medical waste, I subsequently crafted into a very unique wallet.

K~ That is incredible!

Dr. A~ Yes it is. But what I find absolutely amazing is that when I rub this wallet, it turns into a briefcase.

K~ Very funny Doc. By the way, what is the prognosis on the little boy?

Dr. A~ As he grows, the scaring will disappear, and the surgeon is planning to implant some artificial eyelashes. After that, the injury will be virtually undetectable. But until then he will be a little cock eyed.

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My 13 yr. old son, Levi Lionel Leland plays his Cousin Steve's favorite song. He learned it from the instructional on his Yamaha piano. Levi has the YPG-625. It has many built in song tutorials that make it possible to learn to play, even if you can't read music. Can't find a song you like? you can download some from the internet, Yamahamusicsoft.com, to a thumb drive, and then load it into the piano. Yamaha sells these incredible instruments for less than $1,000.00.

Levi is also taking lessons. He is being taught composition and fingering, and of course, because it is very important for any serious musician to know -how to read music. For this, he has an instructor, a real-live, talented human being: Timothy Anderson of Trippleforte Music Services

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Here are the instructions to do a tile mosaic project like this. It's fun and relaxing!

At the bottom of the post you will find out how to order the stuff you need -the material that is hard to find that is. The rest of the required things can be easily found anywhere.

As you can see from the picture below that includes the guitar, this is a huge mosaic and it’s laid in a floor...My kitchen floor. Before taking on the project yourself, come up with a number of hours that you want to spend at it. Take into consideration that you will puzzle the pieces together, and glue them onto a special fabric that is laid over a certain kind of paper. So, it can be completely assembled, before it’s laid in place whether in a floor or wall…Even a tabletop.

This project took me about 100 hours, over 2 ½ years. It takes almost 4 hours per square foot if you want the tile to fit tightly. I only left less than an 1/8th" for grout. The design is original, and a pattern is available for order on my blog, along with all the other special materials, excluding the mastic-you can get that anywhere. But, a design of your own would be cool, wouldn’t it? I’ll post the picture on my site.

“ya good to go? "

What you will need outside of time, and a work bench:

Special fabric

Special paper

Tile Mastic, latex or acrylic

Tile snips

Tile stone

A Sharpie –marker, my favorite

Patience

This design is symmetrical, 8X. That means once I got the whole picture sketched out, I enlarged-on a copy machine, one quadrant. Then I laid over the quadrant with the special paper. I traced out ONLY half of the quadrant, the dividing line being corner to corner. Think about it like folding a piece of paper, and sniping the edges to make snowflakes. Once you have 1/8 th of the design, you keep flipping and tracing until the complete design is done. Are you with me so far?

Once you have decided on colors, gather as many pieces of tile you think you will need for the project. Now double that amount. You don’t want to run short. If this project takes you as long as it took me, you may not be able to buy the same color –it may no longer be available. You will be surprised at the amount of waste.

SNIP…FIT…GLUE. It is pretty intuitive. Trust your eye, line each new piece up and sketch what you need to trim with the Sharpie. When every piece is glued to the fabric, peel the mat off the special paper that also has the design. Get it? The fabric lays over the paper, but you can easily see the design through it. The special paper has properties that make it easy to peel off the mat, as a good amount of glue will pass through the fabric. This is good, because it tacks the fabric to the pattern so that nothing shifts.

With my project, I made a flower-compass out of some solid surfacing material. You could just as easily fill that in with tile. Have fun with this, and post your progress on my blog!

The Kit Includes the special fabric and paper you will need. Leave a comment in order to let me know what sizes you need to complete the design. 3' x 4' is the largest paper available...but remember, you can do it in sections. I would like it if you emailed a picture of the design, and included dimensions. Don't forget: Tell me if you want the pattern, Size-LxH, and your mailing address. I'll quote-Sm/Md/Lg as soon as you give me the info. Deposit in my Paypal account, and I'll send it right out. Thanks!

Use Comments To Order The Fabric and Special Paper

Don't forget to order the pattern if you are doing this design

Small $20.00Medium $25.00Large $30.00Pattern $7.00

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Kevin’s Post on Craigs List:
Paslode Finish Nailer 16 Gauge - $100 (Coventry)
Reply to: mailto:sale-905041448@craigslist.org?subject=Paslode%20Finish%20Nailer%2016%20Gauge%20-%20$100%20(Coventry) [?]Date: 2008-11-04, 12:42AM EST
This is the newer gun that takes the short fuel cells. It needs a battery.


From Van to Kevin with warning from Craigs List

On Tue, Nov 4, 2008 at 5:05 AM, van carlos wrote:
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html


Do you still have it available and also your price.

From Kevin to Van

yes, price is listed. Why did you respond to everything that I posted? Email back with a personal note so I know you're not a scammer. Thanks- Kevin

From Van to Kevin

On Tue, Nov 4, 2008 at 9:01 PM, Van Carlos wrote:
Hello, Thanks for the quick response... Am satisfied with the price andcondition of the item. I will like to make an outright purchase of theitem.I am out of town on a business trip and i dont know when i willbe back, so i will like to proceed in issuing out a certified check toyou direct from my Bank and upon the confirmation and clearance ofpayment at your own Bank my mover will come for the pick-up at yourlocation and then deliver it to my place. So i would appreciate if youcan get back to me with your full name, address, zip code and phonenumber so that payment can be mail out ontime asap. let me read fromyou today.

Warm Regards.

From Kevin to Van

Hi Van,

i am most happiest that you will make an outright purchase of my item. Send you mover to my place in the turnip truck i recently fell off as this item weighs almost seven pounds. i am looking forward to reading from you asap about my counterfeit check. I will like to give my address:

Sukona Johnson
123 Bendover Ave.
Pissuparope, FU
02102

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My13 yr. old son, Levi Lionel Leland plays his Grandpa Leland's favorite song. He learned it from the instructional on his Yamaha piano. Levi has the YPG 625. It has many built in song tutorials that make it possible to learn to play, even if you can't read music. Can't find a song you like? you can download some from the internet, Yamahamusicsoft.com, to a thumb drive, and then load it into the piano. Yamaha sells these incredible instruments for less than $1,000.00.

Levi is also taking lessons. He is being taught composition and fingering, and of course, because it is very important for any serious musician to know -how to read music. For this, he has an instructor, a real live human being: Timothy Anderson of Trippleforte Music Services

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From Fannie mae [FNM] to Joe the Homeowner everyone wants to quickly hand over that hot potato called blame. I'm going to grasp on tightly to that potato, and as it scalds my hands I'm going to confess how this entire economic crisis is entirely my fault. So, borrowers can stop blaming lenders. Main Street can quit blaming Wall Street. Government politicians can leave the corporate elitists alone, and just continue to let them play Monopoly with real money. But, all of you should take just a few minutes to listen as I fess up and tell you what I did to cause this entire debacle.

I'm Kevin the Contractor, Joe the Plumber subbed for me on a couple jobs. I'm from the corrupt little state of Rhode Island, where it's all about “lobstas and mobstas.” [sic] I started my business in 1992, with zero capital, a pick up truck that was a year older than my wife, and a milk crate full of junk tools. Oh yeah, a couple other important tools of the trade I fully possessed back in those days were ambition and high hopes. Those things, not even five years after I started, got us into a home of our own, a middle class income, and a well established small business doing about $750,000.00 per year gross, with three employees -jobs I created, for real, not the way a politician claims to.

Then came the “mobstas”. I started getting screwed over left and right by crooked people in power, even if not officially in the mob. One of these douche bags, "The Prince of Providence", ended up in jail. Another, I sent for a gurney ride the day he tried to extort money from me for the second time (he succeeded the first time). I laid off my crew, sold my tools, closed my business, and went fishing...commercial fishing, off shore, for guess what? -”lobstas”. That's tough work, even compared to construction. You would be amazed at how this industry is so over regulated that a fisherman can barely make a living, while the mortgage industry is so under regulated that some schmuck loan officer can make six livings with so much less effort.



So then I became a schmuck loan officer for Countrywide [CHL]. For once in my life my timing was on point, and during the refi boom that ran concurrently with the sub prime fiasco, I was making ten to fifteen thousand a month...doing refinances, not ruining peoples lives by suckering them into those sub-prime-crap deals. I didn't do any max premium deals either. That's a deal where the loan officer refinances his own, or his buddies' houses at the highest rate, getting the highest commission, and then using that commission to pay costs and escrows, and even a couple principle and interest payments, therefore only making one mortgage payment per quarter, and at the same time screwing the banks by refinancing four times per year. Greed and corruption at all levels, ya gotta love it.

Rates began to climb, so my refinance business started to dwindle, and not to sound like sour grapes, but I was ready to trade in my tie for a tool belt anyway. I missed working with the class of people we know, thanks to Sarah Palin, as Joe Six-Pack, – people with more class and less money than Patrick Trust-Puppy. I didn't want to get back into the contracting scene I fought, literally, to get myself out of. But, I still wanted to build. So this is what I did, and it was this next move that caused the unprecedented drop in the artificially inflated values found in the housing market, that by domino effect sunk banks and insurance companies, and will eventually kill retail, except for the immortal zombie, Walmart[WMT], and lead to a depression just like in 1929 when people bought over inflated stock for 10% down.

I took $100,000.00 of equity out of our home, an additional construction loan, and built a house on speculation. No customer with color choices, no deadline with liquidated damages, no certified payroll, no bribes to receive final payment, no mobstas, no lobstas. All I had to worry about was a drastic drop in home values. I planned on a worse case scenario of a 20% depreciation. This was the real life scenario: In the 70 weeks that it took to virtually single handedly build this house, with the help of my Dad, it lost over $140,000.00 in value. So I basically worked my ass off for negative $2,000.00 per week. A year and a half ago, this house appraised at $280K , now it's on the market for a short sale at $99K and still hasn't gotten an offer. I wonder if the bank will accept half of what I owe them!



As my wife pleaded with me not to do this project, and put at risk the house we live in, and worked and prayed so hard to get, I heard another voice screaming in my other ear. This voice said “Kevin, you know that if you go ahead with this venture, you will cause the whole bottom to fall out of the housing market.” It also said “You saw first hand how these home values got so inflated. You loan officers get the appraisers to push up the values so the loan goes through underwriting. Then when the buyer hears what homes are being appraised at, they believe that is what they are really worth. Of course their Realtor agrees, after all, the higher the price the higher the commission. So the buyer figures why not pay what our dream home is worth, after all the bank said we can afford it, and they wouldn't lend us the money if they thought that we couldn't pay it back. The deal goes through at the price based on the inflated appraisal, and then that sale price becomes the comp. for the next inflated appraisal."

I argued with my wife, to the point we separated and I spent five cold months living in the foundation of this house I went ahead with building. I also argued with that voice in my head. I explained how I had done loans for people with property overseas, in Australia and Portugal, and they reported the same double digit appreciation with the properties in those countries. “It's happening all over the world”, I reasoned. It must have something to do with there now being seven billion people on the earth. Plus, if property values are what they are, then my net worth is somewhere around $300,000.00. - not bad for a guy who started out only ten years ago with a net worth of negative $10,000.00. This is America. Isn't this what to expect after ten years of consistent, honest, hard work?

So there you have it, I ignored my wife, and I ignored the voice...to my own and everyone else's peril. Incidentally, this was the same voice that told me a few years earlier “choke that crook till he turns purple, then thrown him down and stomp on his head. You'll only get a few weeks in jail and a year on probation - the memory will last a lifetime. You will even get your final payment without having to grease anyone” That damned voice hit the nail right on the head, that's exactly what happened. If I had only listened this time too, we all wouldn't be in this mess that's going to take a lot more than a trillion dollars to bail us out of. Are they not already asking for more? The credit card comanies will soon be begging for the same amount. GM is next in line for a taxpayer hand-out. It's all my fault...and I'm sorry.

Now the voice is telling me that as soon as I, Kevin the Contractor, along with Joe the Plumber, and our buddy Joe Six-pack have all short sold our houses, or given deed in lieu, or just plain gotten foreclosed on, then things will get better...For Patrick Trust-puppy. Because the Government gave all that tax-payer money to the banks, admonishing them to be sure to lend it and not to hoard it. And lend it they will -to Patrick Trust-puppy, at a low interest rate, so he can buy up these now under valued properties. Then he'll rent them to us, if we pass the credit check. He'll hire us at somewhere between minimum wage and a living wage to fix them up, as he takes credit along with the politicians for creating jobs with the bailout money. We'll work eighty hours a week because we have that American work ethic, the best in the world. And with enough ambition and high hopes, after about five years, our credit will be good enough again, and maybe we'll have some down payment money, so we can buy these properties back from the twerp at what they should have been worth all along, figuring 4% appreciation per year. Of course this will give Mr. Trust-puppy a 100% return on his investment of our tax money, and about a 1000% return on his out of pocket investment, because there is no investment like real estate when it comes to buying on margin...And the whole silly cycle will start again, unless this crisis becomes the Second Great Depression that leads to the Great Tribulation.

So that I don't sound completely like a prophet of doom, let me say this: I have unyielding hope that Mr. Obama can led us out of this mess, with the help of us hard working Americans. Racism is dead in America. Now let's nip this social injustice thing in the bud before we have a class war on our hands!

I just got the notice; Countrywide is going to forclose on this house I built -three days after Christmas, as they threaten to foreclose on the home we live in. I feel like choke-slammin' me some userers about now...I'm pissed! But, I will control my anger while I pray that God helps our new president, backed by us ambitous and hopeful -working Americans, change this country back into what it was in my fathers day when an honest day's work (at GM) was rewarded with an honest day's pay; a wage you could live on; a yearly gross equal to the price of a modest home. I don't want our kids to suffer under the disfunctional, oppressive policy of "Trickle Down Economics" like we X generationers have suffered since Reagan. I'm confident that our new president will stop that from happening. Let's all back him up!

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The Oyster Creek Mushroom Company is a cultivater of shiitake mushrooms and a puveyer of all sorts of delicious gourmet wild and cultivated mushrooms. Their unique New England farm resides in the town of Damariscotta found on the rock-bound coast of Maine.

They cultivate mushrooms, of the Shiitake variety, by the traditional oak log method. Starting with an oak log about six inches in diameter, the farmer begins the growing process by drilling 1/4" holes about six inches apart, a little over an inch deep, on the entire exterior of the log, generally about four feet long. When all the logs are prepared, the next step is to begin inoculating them…the mushroom farmers’ way of planting the crop.

Mushroom plugs are sterilized, birch, repurposed furniture pins that are fully colonized by pure mushroom mycelium that is grown from spores -the Mushroom "seeds". Mycelium is actually the vegetative part of the plant that gathers nutrients and produces the fruit that is the mushroom. About an inch long, these plugs will be hammered into the holes, and then sealed with hot wax. About thirty are required for each log. Six months to a year later, this medicinal, gourmet food will spring forth. Even a backyard garden with a dozen logs can produce up to twenty five pounds of Shiitake mushrooms.

Once thought of as a food with no nutritional value, research is beginning to prove that not only are they an excellent source of protein and carbohydrates…they prevent the development of tumors, lower cholesterol and blood pressure, and stimulate the immune system. Good food, good medicine; and at over $6.00 per pound retail, the Shiitake mushroom has also proven itself to be a valuable crop.

Another factor that makes the oak log cultivation of Shiitake mushrooms a viable addition to the New England farm is that they don’t need the two things that are so essential to most other crops: Sun and soil. As a matter of fact, some acreage of evergreens, not even suitable for firewood, makes a perfect habitat for these inoculated logs. The goal is to protect them from direct sunlight and wind. These trees do a good job of that, and make good use of otherwise wasted land.

At Oyster Creek Mushroom Company, the owners, Candice & Dan Heydon bring the locals into their act. Residents in the surrounding area of their business, who are proficient at gathering wild mushrooms that grow naturally in the woods, are more than welcome to sell their finds at the wholesale prices Dan and Candice offer. The season that just passed brought in over 9,000 lbs. of Matsutake mushrooms, 3,000 lbs. of Hen of the woods, 600 lbs of chanterelles, but only a small amount of Chicken of the Woods.

The same mushroom can be known by several different names, not counting the scientific identifications. In Rhode Island, due to the large Italian population, the Hen of the Woods is known as "signorina." While wild mushroom gatherers all over the world are very secretive about their spots, they must give up those top secret locations eventually. If Nonno -your Italian Grandfather dies without telling you where his signorina tree is...you don't go to his funeral!

Along with the cultivated crop, most of these gathered mushrooms are dried, packaged, and delivered all over the world. The Heydons have definitely chisled out their own niche in the heath food and specialty food markets as they provide an interesting way for Mainers to make some extra money from the bounty of nature, while making a living for themselves on this unique New England farm.

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"Anchor Text" is text that usually gives the reader descriptive information about the content of the link's destination. The anchor text may not contain any of the actual text that makes up the URL of the link. When done correctly, only the anchor text appears, and the URL is hidden behind it somewhere in cyberspace.

EzineArticles.com sent an instructional email to show me how to do this. I tried it in an email to myself, but I couldn't get the text of the URL to disappear. So, this is my second attempt. I think it will work in my Blog. so here goes:

It's important to know that temperance is a virtue, to learn more, click here

Wow! It worked, I'm souped! I'm learning-out-loud here, so try to follow as I wrap this up. This is cool stuff. Using "achor text" in this Blog of mine, is going to allow readers to jump around effortlessly from article to article. I'll be able to write concise 500-800 word pieces, and then just use anchor text to jump to another article that expands on the topic or is otherwise related. Neat!

There is also an advantage when it comes to search engines crawling a blog or website, because the anchor text will have keywords that may not be in the lengthy URL address.

If I wanted to expand on a word like temperance mentioned in an article, by pointing to an article I wrote all about "temperance". Wikipedia recommends using "click here" as opposed to always slipping the anchor text into the text of the sentence, like in this example:

Today our troops have liberated another country from tyranny.

The more concise way of coding that would be:

Today our troops have liberated another country from tyranny. To know more, click here.



So, here is what the code looks like to get the results that I impressed myself with in that example above. Did we learn something?

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How to determine if you are smoking too much herb

How you ever found this article is beyond me. There is a sea of information out there on marijuana detox. The advice ranges from how to beat an addiction to weed, to how to beat a drug test for weed. I'm going to talk about both ends. My advice will include a home remedy that will allow you to pass a drug test for only $5.00. But more importantly, I'm going to help you to determine if you may need to detox in a more permanent way.

Let's talk temperance. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines it like this:

Temperance is the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will's mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honorable.

Marijuana is a created good. It has a purpose, and it has a place. It is an herb that has a place on a broad list of all the things that God made sprout from the ground on the third day. On a very narrow list, this plant could be placed right near the willow tree. Why? Both have medicinal properties. Hippocrates, two and a half millennia ago, derived a powder from the bark and leaves of the willow tree that relieved pain and cured headaches. Later the compound that was responsible for this, salicin, was discovered, isolated, and today we have aspirin.

Let's not stretch that comparison
too far though. No one is about
to make some popcorn, put on Pink Floyd, and pass around a bottle of aspirin. Sure, marijuana can relieve pain and increase appetite for those battling cancer. It's use is effective in decreasing nausea from chemo therapy. But, in no way does it have the therapeutic benefits of aspirin and therefore it is classified as a Schedule 1 drug- a substance that has a high potential for abuse and no medical application or proven therapeutic value. But what is considered abuse, and what is considered balanced, pleasurable use within temperate limits?

Alcohol had a somewhat medicinal purpose. In Noah's day it kept grape juice, an extremely healthy human nutrient, preserved. Remember, back then they didn't have electricity, there was no way to run their refrigerators. If it wasn't for this byproduct of airborne yeast, and the sugars in the juice, they would have had juice only in short supply. Also, the alcohol acts as a blood thinner with the same positive effects for preventing
heart disease, as aspirin. So now that we have a plethora of non alcoholic preservatives, and we have aspirin to thin blood, then why isn't alcohol a schedule 1 drug? It also has a high potential for abuse. Even Noah the only good guy on earth in his day, got sloshed after the flood.

Face it, no one drinks alcohol for the taste. No one is coming home on Friday, from a long week at work, kicking off their shoes and unwinding with a glass of juice. It's the "unwinding" effects caused by the slight intoxication the alcohol in a glass of wine offers that is the pleasure that attracts us to that beverage choice. If you want to unwind with the intoxicating effects of weed at the end of the week, illegality aside, what is the difference? Alcohol and pot each offer a somewhat different, but still pleasurable "buzz". And as we are no better than Noah, they both tempt us into exceeding honorable limits in amount and frequency. So let's try to define those limits.

Marijuana, years ago, if you were to compare it to alcohol used to be like an 80 proof rum. Now, most of what you find is like Bacardi 151. Today's lower grade stuff is comparable to the high test stuff of yesteryear. To keep the rum comparison going, consider the average potency pot equivalent to 100 proof rum. Now, a shot glass full...Okay, plus a little splash, in some Coke makes a drink with about the same alcohol content as a bottle of beer, or a glass of wine. A chunk of bud about the size of a pencil eraser, the whole eraser, not just the part you see, would be like a shot, a beer, or a glass of wine. If you were to sit and smoke a whole bud, the size of your thumb, in one sitting that would be beyond the limits. It would be like downing a twelve pack...Abuse.

So go by this "rule of thumb" and keep your use in check. If a twelve-pack lasts a week, you're probably not ready for AA. If you consume a "thumb" of weed every day, you need to seek help...you're an addict, a fiend. There is so much more in life to pursue for pleasure, and even joy. There are other very important virtues too, but temperance is a good one to start with. As far as the promised home remedy to pass a drug test for THC is concerned ~ Click Here:

Detox Secret Home Remedy to Pass a Drug Screening Any Time ~ $5.00

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The solution to pollution is dilution. You need to dilute your urine, that is polluted with THC, so that the amount in the urine will be under the threshold, even if the amount in your fat cells is over the limit. If all you needed to do is pass the dipstick test, then drinking a lot of fluids, and peeing as many times as possible before finally going in the sample bottle would fool that test. But there are two important tests that you need to pass before the dipstick test is administered.

Temperature- This is the first test that needs to be passed before they will even waste a dipstick on the sample. If the temperature reads way below 98.6 degrees, they will assume that you are using someone else's urine...and fail you right there. I have to tell this funny and true story:

I know a guy who got an American Bull Dog puppy for Christmas and right away started using the dog's pee to pass his drug screening. He kept the substitute pee in a latex glove, close to his body. This kept the sample warm enough, and he passed two consecutive tests. A few months later, the third test came up. He repeated this tried and true method, confident he would pass again. To his surprise, this time he failed. Actually, the puppy did! Staying loyally by his master's side had subjected the little guy to so much second hand smoke, that the puppy's pee popped positive!

Color- If your urine is diluted enough to pass the dipstick test, then it will be too clear to pass the color test. Again, you will fail before they even drop in the dipstick. Or, if the creatine level is also very low it can fail even if they let it slide on the lack of color.

The recipe that I'm handing over, for a small deposit of $5.00 into my PayPal account, will remedy the color problem and the creatine issue as well. What is so cool about this detox drink, isn't just that it won't cost you $50.00 per bottle. It has many other benefits. Mainly, it prevents urinary tract infections. It is a health drink and an energy drink, chock full of vitamins. Drink it every day anyway. If you are subject to random drug screening, you'll be ready to pass anytime.

Some other tips:

• Try not to give early morning urine for the test sample.
  
• Drink a full 32 oz. bottle of this remedy 1-2 hrs. before the test.
  
• Coffee, and water in addition will help. Urine that is "too yellow" may send up a flag.
  
• Indicate that you take vitamins and supplements if questioned.
  
• Abstaining from herb for 10 days or more before an expected test is a good way to practice temperance, and pass w/o the remedy.
  
• Remember, the best way to pass drug screening is by NOT using drugs.
  

Thanks for the five bucks! I'll send the recipe right out to you. Let me hear from you.

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