Here are some tips on making your wedding speech. For a more customized, personal approach: Get in touch with us for a "no-obligation" consultation on how we can help. We'll help you prepare the text, as we personally coach you through to delivery - for a very reasonable, starving writer price, usually around $50.00. Just contact me at klleland@gmail.com -We'll get started right away.
1) Prepare! Reading this article is an excellent first step. Hiring a coach is an excellent second step.
2) Don't thank the bride or groom for choosing you as their Best Man or Maid of Honor, they didn't nominate you for Class President - it was an expression of affection. When someone says "I love you" the customary response is "I love you too" not "thank you very much." Honoring you on their most special day, singling you out as their most special person, shows that they love you. Now use your well prepared words to love 'em back.
3) Don't start waltzing down Memory Lane and forget to turn back. It's good to include a memorable anecdote, but one or two is enough. Remember, this day is about the bride and groom's future, not their history. Don't make it sound like a eulogy by describing all of the individual's great attributes and single-life shining moments.
4) Make sure the special memories that are recounted this day are appropriate for the general audience. "Remember that night when we stole your parents' Cadillac and went skinny dipping at the quarry with those two strippers" is only going to anger the parents, make the new bride's stomach turn, and if they were invited to the ceremony, probably embarrass the strippers.
5) Be careful that you don't make the common mistake of directing the entire speech to the person who bestowed this honor on you. You don't have to include both the bride and the groom in your funny anecdote from yesteryear, but when you shift gears into the present speak about both of them; their love for each other, their made-ness for each other, and their strength as a couple. If you want to slip in a quip now is a good time. "You may be in for a lot of sleepless nights Charlie. I went camping with Donna a couple times when we were in the Girl Scouts. I don't know about now, but back then she snored like a lumber jack." Or, "I know you will want to be by Charlie's side every minute Donna...Until he takes off his shoes. I got you a lifetime supply of Dr. Sholes Odor Eaters for your wedding gift Buddy!" Don't get carried away with this, saying something like: "I don't know how you are going to stand waking up every morning to a face that looks like it got beat with an ugly stick."
6) Make sure you wax serious when it comes to blessing their future. Express confidence in their character and true love for each other that assures you and everyone else present that their love will stand the test of time.
7) You prepared well so you were able to maintain your composure. Your trembling was barely detectable. Your careful and well thought out words didn't sound too rehearsed, even though they were. You honored the new Mr. and Mrs. and encouraged them as well. You didn't embarrass yourself or them, to your credit. You set the stage for all the festivities. Now go get drunk and make a complete fool of yourself!
To see some more good advice read this article written by Heather, one of our other coaches: How to Overcome the Jitters: Heather's Wedding Party Speech Advice
Wedding Party Speeches -Affordable, Personalized Coaching
Posted by Kevin Leland Labels: best man, maid of honor, speech, toastHere are some original songs that I would like some help with. Any Christian bands out there interested? Leave a comment with contact info. Respond with a video on You-Tube....
Son of God Son of Man ~ Lyrics:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1124725/son_of_god_son_of_man.html?cat=34
Video:
Open the Door ~ Lyrics:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1124747/open_the_door.html?cat=42
Video:
(under construction)
Find a Way to Get Through ~ Lyrics:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1243985/find_a_way_to_get_through.html?cat=10
Video:
(under construction)
Come back soon. I will be working on this until I have all the scores and tutorials. Let's work together with this to make something fresh and original for worship teams and music ministries everywhere!
Have you ever come up with that brilliant invention, one that you just know will help thousands of people better their lives? Maybe this invention will even help someone that you know personally. If you are a good inventor, a professional, then helping your fellow man is the main objective…The money you harvest from the idea is only secondary.
This is a story of an inventor that I know personally. She is a professional; with these kinds of honorable intentions along with a really good idea. This idea was going to help her beloved Grandmother get around more easily. After watching her Grandma struggle to climb up and down the stairs, time after time, the wheels in this little lady’s mind began to turn. She imagined the escalator at the Mall. She thought of how Grandma would hold her hand as they just stood, and let this fascinating machine do all the work required to make the ascension to the upper levels. How cool it would be to have one of these installed at Grandma’s house. And how much better would it be if she could even sit down for the ride?
Allow me to brag about my wife. She developed the concept for the seated Stairlift long before I even knew her, when she was merely eight years old! Unfortunately, she hit the same brick wall that smashes up the aspirations of many professional inventors. That is; the idea at that time was not original art. Someone, probably a grown-up, had beaten this young inventor to the patent office. She realized this sad fact and even the significance of it when she first saw an ad on the telly showing some other happy Granny seated in a chair, being mechanically chauffeured to the top of the stairs in her own house. Undaunted, although disappointed, her job now was going to be getting Grandpa to have one installed!
“Grandma just had to have one of these”, she thought. This already available invention could be installed at her grandparent’s house…Their very own escalator, just like at the Mall.
Her secondary efforts were met with some resistance. “Could we afford it?” her Grandfather asked.
“Sure, that lady on the telly didn’t live in a palace, and she had one” she answered.
“Will they be able to install one on our type of stairs?” was the second question Grandpa posed.
“Just have the company come here and look at your stairs, they’ll tell you if they can do it and even how much it will cost” she intelligently and convincingly advised.
The man took his Granddaughter’s advice, and soon found out how possible and affordable it really was. In no time the Stairlift was installed, and has been used ever since to safely transport Grandma, up and down the stairs. Even Grandpa on occasion uses it, like the times when he had the flu and for those few weeks after he took a nasty fall, slipping on some ice in the driveway. This caring little girl may not have bettered the lives of thousands of people by inventing the Stairlift, but convincing her Grandparents to have one installed directly improved the quality of life for two people she loves very much.
Because my article about circumcision was so well received I was encouraged to stay on the subject of male genital mutilation, and write about another common procedure: Vasectomy. My goal is not to try to scare men away from this drastic form of birth control. After all, I think just the thought of someone coming at this precious part of a man’s anatomy while brandishing needles, scissors, and knives is enough to send most guys into a duck and cover posture. According to studies, about 5%-10% of men regret following through with this operation. Half of the guys who have been sterilized keep it a secret. That being stated, my readers only had a one in fifty chance of getting this article out of me; a man who regrets having this done, and isn’t afraid to admit it. So, read on.
The idea of this procedure was born in the mind of a man named Sir Ashley Cooper who experimented on dogs and rabbits, most likely because when it comes to sexuality, these particular mammals are most similar to human males. The feminine first name of this pioneer of the vasectomy makes me suspicious that it was actually a woman-in-disguise who pioneered this operation, in light of the fact that having this procedure performed is more times than not the brain-child of “Wifey.” The rest of this article will include some strategies and defensive dialog tips that will help you protect yourself when she confronts you with this brain-storm more accurately defined as a brain-fart. Around the world, tubal ligation is five times more likely to be the chosen method of surgical sterilization. Although, in England where a woman rules, vasectomies also rule. My wifey, an American woman, is of English decent: Coincidence? I don’t think so…The deck was stacked against me from the start. Here is a plan, my fellow man…To turn the tables:
Preemptive Strike- You have only one shot at this once-and-for-all solution to getting yourself and your balls off the hook. Because it is very simple, especially when a woman has a Cesarean section, to have her tubes tied immediately after child birth, if there is any chance that this will be your final round of procreation, then prepare your wife to give her doctor the green light to seal up the rest of those eggs in the basket…Keeping them out of the incubator. Be the first to say “C’mon Hun, there’s really nothing to it.” If that train has already left the station; too bad. There is no way you will be able to convince her that it is easier for her to be sterilized than it is for you, once she has left the hospital. Men can get a vasectomy in about twenty minutes, with a local anesthetic. It is a much bigger deal for a woman who would need general anesthesia, and a lot more time for this more invasive surgery. You missed this golden opportunity? Well, this crucial battle to save the lives of billions of innocent sperm isn’t over until the fat lady sings; “You Rolled Out Your Tanks, But They Only Shoot Blanks” Study this script and you may come out in tact:
Wifey- C’mon you baby, there’s really nothing to it. The Doctor will prescribe some Vicadin. You won’t feel a thing from the operation, or from the abrasions on your neck from the cone you’ll have to wear, only for a few days…If you think you can keep from licking the sutures.
Fertileman- Yeah, unless I fall into the 10%-35% margin of men who end up with Post-Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. That can go on for a lifetime after the pain pill script runs out. It varies in intensity and duration, but can be brought on by intercourse, or physical exertion. Would you rather make love or shovel snow?
Wifey- I’m willing to take my chances with that. But, if I knew there was no chance of getting knocked up again, and I didn’t have to bother with any of those other inconvenient forms of birth control, I would definitely be into doing it a lot more often.
Danger Will Robinson! – The promise of more action in the bedroom can convince a man to shave the hair off his ass with a dull razor, breaking the skin in some spots, and then soaking it in rubbing alcohol. Stand your ground on this; it’s her most effective attack…Your answer should be:
Fertileman- Sounds good in theory, but what happens if like the majority of men that have vasectomies, I end up losing my sex drive? (This is a blatant lie, there are no reports of any loss of libido after this operation, but if you think she has any intention of paying off on that bribe with more nookie, then you are as dumb as she thinks you are. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.)
Wifey- That’s BS! No one looses their sex drive after a vasectomy. (Damn it! She’s not as dumb as you think she is.)
Fertileman- What if we change our minds and decide we want another baby?
Wifey- Well, for about seven grand you could have it reversed. They’ve even invented a “valve” that can be placed in the vas deferens and turned on and off.
Fertileman- I think the only thing that could be more asinine than letting someone slice and dice my genitals, is paying someone $7,000.00 to do it again. Besides, if I go too long before a reversal, I can develop a sperm killing antibody so I wouldn’t even be a candidate for this procedure that is only 60%-70% successful anyway. Not to mention, a vasectomy causes problems with the sperm that could lead to birth defects should we conceive after the reversal operation. I would rather freeze some sperm first. Or better yet, adopt a child. What’s so great about my DNA anyway?
Wifey- Nothing; so you’re a lunatic if you think I’m birthing any more of your rug-rats. If you can’t do this one little thing for me, after all I’ve been through with pregnancy, and labor and delivery, bringing our children into the world, then your selfish ass can spend the night on the couch.
Fertileman- Fine then.
So go ahead, you and your sperm spend a lonely night or two on the couch. Before you know it she’ll be at the drugstore refilling that birth control prescription and the next argument will be over whose turn it is to change the baby’s diaper. Just hold out until she goes through menopause. If by then your selfish stubbornness in combination with her anger and depression for nature’s act of making HER sterile, which is not only known to happen to women at this time in their lives, but can actually be a similar psychological side effect occurring in men soon after a vasectomy, causes her to no longer want you or your DNA. When she gives you the boot then at least you will still be able to join the ranks with men like Tony Randall, Rod Stewart, and my Great Grandfather who have sired children in their past-fifty years.
To: Bleu at The Farm Guide
I just know that your site is going to be a huge success! Until it starts making some revenue, don't worry about keeping everyone, me included, on a "pro-bono" status. Sometimes, for people like us, the few hundred dollars for the time and work invested amounts to nothing compared to the value of...Bylines and backlinks!
The byline on a newspaper or magazine article gives the name, and often the position, of the writer of the article. Bylines are traditionally placed between the headline and the text of the article, although some magazines (notably Reader's Digest) place bylines at the bottom of the page, to leave more room for graphical elements around the headline.
Backlinks (or back-links (UK)) are incoming links to a website or web page. In the search engine optimization (SEO) world, the number of backlinks is one indication of the popularity or importance of that website or page (though other measures, such as PageRank, are likely to be more important). Outside of SEO, the backlinks of a web page may be of significant personal, cultural or semantic interest: they indicate who is paying attention to that page.
In basic link terminology, a backlink is any link received by a web node (web page, directory, website, or top level domain) from another web node (Björneborn and Ingwersen, 2004). Backlinks are also known as incoming links, inbound links, inlinks, and inward links.
Because I'm trying to make a new career as a writer, my name on my articles can get people who read them interested in hiring me to write for them. The knack to writing for blogs, and the Internet in general, is that you have to:
a) Use common language, and make content short and sweet; 500-700 words. This is good for my style of writing, because I'm not an English major or a novelist. Including pictures is crucial, and also including some video - again, less is more, of a 2-10 minute duration is important. A strange paradox is that literacy is at an all time high...yet hardly anyone reads that much anymore!
b) Utilize Key words. These are words that search engines pick out of the articles, to determine the relevancy of your content to the searcher, and by Google algorithmic magic, returns your content on it's list -preferably on the first page as close to the top as possible. It's important to have the right keywords, especially in the title. It's also important to have them in the right concentration throughout-not too many or too few. How do you know what those best keywords are? There is a look up you can do online that will tell you how many times "cranberries" for instance, is searched on Google.
c) Tell a story. When people search for information, they can find it on Wikipedia, Wiki how, etc. This info is complete, and ultra informative, and usually comes up first in the search results. So, why would a person go to your website instead? That's where content writers and producers, affiliates, Ad Sense, and the interactive process of discussion groups and comment posting play an important part.
Content writers and producers- (that's me) offer information with a style that is more of a first person account, or story. Wouldn't most people read a story before an encyclopedia? These "stories" can link to places where the searcher can find the "thing" they are looking for, instead of just the information about it or definition of it. For example, my article about the Heyden's mushroom farm not only includes information about cultivating Shiitake mushrooms, but also links up to the Oyster Creek Mushroom Company web site where the searcher can do what they can't do on Wiki -buy 'em and try 'em. Another link I included is to a site where someone can purchase the spores to grow their own. Here is where everyone cooperates for a mutual benefit. We link to OCMC, and they link back to The Farm Guide. I link to both of you, and both of you back to me. Hence, backlinks...We keep traffic flowing through our sites, and some convert into sales of all kinds: I sell some writing services, OCMC sells some mushrooms, TFG sells some advertising, for example, by becoming an affiliate, or by publishing AdSense ads.
Affiliates- On my blog, you will notice advertisements for Amazon.com. I am an affiliate, which means I am signed up with them, so that if someone comes to their site, by clicking the link on my blog, and subsequently makes a purchase, I receive a small commish, about 75 cents on a book for example. Every company out there, big and small, offer some kind of affilliate program, with a cut of the potential sale.
Adsense- This is a type of affiliate deal, but differs in this way: If a person clicks on this link, and goes to the site that link draws them to, you get a "per click" payment, around 30 cents, even if they don't purchase anything at the site. There is also a type of adsense ad that just displays while the person is on your page, and again, you get a little money for that. Just DON'T click on your own ads! Google catches on to this, as well as other scams in nano seconds, and will drop you post haste.
Like television and radio, a web site is supported and driven by advertising during your show (of content), on your network (web site or blog). What is revolutionary, and so much better about this type of advertising, is that unlike TV, where everyone has to sit through ads about everything from hemorrhoid cream to tampons, on the Internet the ads are targeted right at the individual whom by the content he is looking at, it can be determined with great specificity that the ad applies to him. For example, I have suffered from hemorrhoids only a few times, but in 41 years have not once gotten a period. It is almost scary how the Google robot can read what is on the page, and quickly post an adsense ad that applies. One time I was in the dog house, and from there was e-mailing my wife. The robot read our e-mails and returned results that showed it knew what we were saying. One advertised a book titled "Ring or Fling Decide Which Finger to Give Him!"
The confidence I have in "The Farm Guide" being a success is founded in the fact that this type of site is what is referred to as a "niche" site. Let me explain by example. If you were going to develop a web site that was going to take orders and deliver books and dvd's, I would laugh at you, and say good luck with that! I would be thinking that you wouldn't stand a snowballs chance in Hell of competing with Amazon.com. But a site that sells mushroom spores, hydroponic equipment, fish emulsion fertilizer, and so on...I'm on board for that. Why? Because there is no such thing as "The Fish Shit Depot". Niche means less competition with huge conglomerates and therefore more payoff.
I hope this was informative. Thanks again for including me in this venture of yours. I'm sure that none of us will be disappointed.
A poll about circumcision on pregnancy planet.net so far proves that 80% of parents prefer that their boys be circumcised. I voted with the majority. I have to say, I don't even wear turtle neck sweaters.
This poll inspired me to research a little further. Could I come up with any information outside of the typical "how does circumcision affect hygiene?" I thought that if I couldn't come up with anything more interesting and unique than that, I wouldn't bother to bore myself or anyone else with a trite article. The internet search paid off big-time upon finding a pediatrician, who is renowned among his peers for taking this common, simple procedure to a new level. I contacted him immediately, and he graciously agreed to an e-mail interview:
K~ Dr. Abraham, do you consider it a strange coincidence that as an expert at this procedure you have the same name as the old testament patriarch who by God's instruction, instituted this procedure thousands of years ago as a ritual, and a mark of faith?
Dr. A~ Not really. I drew the parallel myself before I specialized in pediatrics. It enticed me to delve a little deeper into this procedure, also considered a ceremonial ritual, called a brisk that has been carried on by this Patriarch's decedents, my family included, since the time of Genesis.
K~ O.K., let me get this asked-a-million-times question out of the way: How does circumcision bear on personal hygiene?
Dr. A~ No doubt that genital hygiene is easier for the circumcised male, especially in early years, and much later in life. Although, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to pull back the foreskin and apply a little soap and water. I'm just glad I was the boy who heard from his mother, "don't forget to wash behind your ears" and not the one who uncomfortably had to listen to -"don't forget to pull back your foreskin and polish that little helmet."
K~ Are there any other medical benefits that can be attributed to circumcision?
Dr. A.~ Certainly. There is a markedly lower incidence of urinary tract infections in circumcised males. Also, two medical conditions that only affect the uncircumcised can be all together avoided. The first being foreskin infections that can occur throughout childhood. The other is a condition where the foreskin can not be retracted from the head of the penis, called phimosis. The normality or abnormality of phimosis and its treatment is actually a topic of debate surrounding circumcision.
K~ What sets you apart from other pediatricians in matters of the foreskin?
Dr. A ~ I've done quite a bit of experimentation with the amputated skins. I've developed a method to "quilt" these small specimens of skin together, creating one sheet of viable skin tissue. A small section of this "foreskin cloth" was used to treat a toddler who suffered a burn injury that caused the loss of his eyelids. Because the thickness and texture of foreskin is so similar to the skin that makes up the eyelid, the plastic surgeon was able to perform a successful reconstruction of the boy's eyelids by grafting in this skin that I developed in the lab.
K~ Quite a story! Is your plan to bank this skin for future uses in plastic surgery?
Dr. A~ No. Unfortunately it is too difficult to keep this delicate tissue alive for an extended period of time. The remainder of the specimen that I grew died off, turning into a thin leather, that instead of discarding as medical waste, I subsequently crafted into a very unique wallet.
K~ That is incredible!
Dr. A~ Yes it is. But what I find absolutely amazing is that when I rub this wallet, it turns into a briefcase.
K~ Very funny Doc. By the way, what is the prognosis on the little boy?
Dr. A~ As he grows, the scaring will disappear, and the surgeon is planning to implant some artificial eyelashes. After that, the injury will be virtually undetectable. But until then he will be a little cock eyed.
My 13 yr. old son, Levi Lionel Leland plays his Cousin Steve's favorite song. He learned it from the instructional on his Yamaha piano. Levi has the YPG-625. It has many built in song tutorials that make it possible to learn to play, even if you can't read music. Can't find a song you like? you can download some from the internet, Yamahamusicsoft.com, to a thumb drive, and then load it into the piano. Yamaha sells these incredible instruments for less than $1,000.00.
Levi is also taking lessons. He is being taught composition and fingering, and of course, because it is very important for any serious musician to know -how to read music. For this, he has an instructor, a real-live, talented human being: Timothy Anderson of Trippleforte Music Services
Here are the instructions to do a tile mosaic project like this. It's fun and relaxing!
At the bottom of the post you will find out how to order the stuff you need -the material that is hard to find that is. The rest of the required things can be easily found anywhere.
This project took me about 100 hours, over 2 ½ years. It takes almost 4 hours per square foot if you want the tile to fit tightly. I only left less than an 1/8th" for grout. The design is original, and a pattern is available for order on my blog, along with all the other special materials, excluding the mastic-you can get that anywhere. But, a design of your own would be cool, wouldn’t it? I’ll post the picture on my site. 
Special fabricSpecial paper
Tile Mastic, latex or acrylic
Tile snips
Tile stone
A Sharpie –marker, my favorite
Patience
This design is symmetrical, 8X. That means once I got the whole picture sketched out, I enlarged-on a copy machine, one quadrant. Then I laid over the quadrant with the special paper. I traced out ONLY half of the quadrant, the dividing line being corner to corner. Think about it like folding a piece of paper, and sniping the edges to make snowflakes. Once you have 1/8 th of the design, you keep flipping and tracing until the complete design is done. Are you with me so far?
Once you have decided on colors, gather as many pieces of tile you think you will need for the project. Now double that amount. You don’t want to run short. If this project takes you as long as it took me, you may not be able to buy the same color –it may no longer be available. You will be surprised at the amount of waste.
SNIP…FIT…GLUE. It is pretty intuitive. Trust your eye, line each new piece up and sketch what you need to trim with the Sharpie. When every piece is glued to the fabric, peel the mat off the special paper that also has the design. Get it? The fabric lays over the paper, but you can easily see the design through it. The special paper has properties that make it easy to peel off the mat, as a good amount of glue will pass through the fabric. This is good, because it tacks the fabric to the pattern so that nothing shifts.
With my project, I made a flower-compass out of some solid surfacing material. You could just as easily fill that in with tile. Have fun with this, and post your progress on my blog!
The Kit Includes the special fabric and paper you will need. Leave a comment in order to let me know what sizes you need to complete the design. 3' x 4' is the largest paper available...but remember, you can do it in sections. I would like it if you emailed a picture of the design, and included dimensions. Don't forget: Tell me if you want the pattern, Size-LxH, and your mailing address. I'll quote-Sm/Md/Lg as soon as you give me the info. Deposit in my Paypal account, and I'll send it right out. Thanks!
Paslode Finish Nailer 16 Gauge - $100 (Coventry)
Reply to: mailto:sale-905041448@craigslist.org?subject=Paslode%20Finish%20Nailer%2016%20Gauge%20-%20$100%20(Coventry) [?]Date: 2008-11-04, 12:42AM EST
This is the newer gun that takes the short fuel cells. It needs a battery.
From Van to Kevin with warning from Craigs List
On Tue, Nov 4, 2008 at 5:05 AM, van carlos
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
Do you still have it available and also your price.
From Kevin to Van
yes, price is listed. Why did you respond to everything that I posted? Email back with a personal note so I know you're not a scammer. Thanks- Kevin
From Van to Kevin
On Tue, Nov 4, 2008 at 9:01 PM, Van Carlos
Hello, Thanks for the quick response... Am satisfied with the price andcondition of the item. I will like to make an outright purchase of theitem.I am out of town on a business trip and i dont know when i willbe back, so i will like to proceed in issuing out a certified check toyou direct from my Bank and upon the confirmation and clearance ofpayment at your own Bank my mover will come for the pick-up at yourlocation and then deliver it to my place. So i would appreciate if youcan get back to me with your full name, address, zip code and phonenumber so that payment can be mail out ontime asap. let me read fromyou today.
i am most happiest that you will make an outright purchase of my item. Send you mover to my place in the turnip truck i recently fell off as this item weighs almost seven pounds. i am looking forward to reading from you asap about my counterfeit check. I will like to give my address:
Sukona Johnson
123 Bendover Ave.
Pissuparope, FU
02102
Levi Lionel Leland Plays Piano -I Can't Help Falling in Love With You.
Posted by Kevin Leland Labels: download, music, piano, yamaha
My13 yr. old son, Levi Lionel Leland plays his Grandpa Leland's favorite song. He learned it from the instructional on his Yamaha piano. Levi has the YPG 625. It has many built in song tutorials that make it possible to learn to play, even if you can't read music. Can't find a song you like? you can download some from the internet, Yamahamusicsoft.com, to a thumb drive, and then load it into the piano. Yamaha sells these incredible instruments for less than $1,000.00.
Levi is also taking lessons. He is being taught composition and fingering, and of course, because it is very important for any serious musician to know -how to read music. For this, he has an instructor, a real live human being: Timothy Anderson of Trippleforte Music Services
